TaqiSatay

My summary of Reichenbach...

• Therapist: Why today?
• John: You know why I’m here.
• Therapist: No, I don’t read the newspaper, nor do I watch TV. I have no concept of what goes on in the outside world.
• John: My best friend is dead.
• Therapist: OH SHIT LOL, sorry.
• -later-
• Sherlock: I just solved everything, give me stuff.
• People: Here’s a box.
• Sherlock: I fucking hate boxes.
• Lestrade: Here’s a hat.
• Sherlock: I fucking hate hats.
• Sally and Anderson: LOL
• Sherlock: I will kill everybody in this room.
• -later-
• John: I’m almost 100% positive that this newspaper is calling me gay.
• Sherlock: I don’t understand how hats like this work. I’ve narrowed it down to either two things the hat could possibly be used for; an ear hat or a death Frisbee.
• -meanwhile-
• Moriarty: I fucking love this London cap. I fucking love this music. I fucking love these jewels. Oh and I just fucked over the majority of England using two apps on my phone, nbd.
• -later-
• Kitty: I’m just chillin’ here in the men’s toilets, Sherlock, sign my boobs.
• Sherlock: The fuck are boobs.
• -later-
• Jury: We find the defendant not guilty, even though he has no evidence or witnesses to support his plea.
• Judge: lolwhut.
• -later-
• John: Sherlock, be careful, Moriarty is going to come over and-
• Sherlock: OH MY GOD JOHN, SHUT UP, I’M TRYING TO HAVE TEA WITH THE MAN THAT TRIED TO KILL BOTH OF US.
• Moriarty: I have access to everything in the world. I need to solve the final problem. The fall will begin soon. I.O.U. None of this is ever going to be important to the plot, though.
• -later-
• John: Excuse me, I’m looking for Mycroft Holmes.
• Old guy: HOLY SHITBERRIES YOU CAN’T SPEAK IN HERE. IMMA USE MY CANE TO RING THIS BELL.
• Random guys: We’re here to kidnap you.
• John: K.
• -later-
• Mycroft: There are all these foreign assassins that live near you now, so, you know, beware of that.
• John: Can’t you just tell Sherlock this yourself?
• Mycroft: Bitch please, of course not. –FORESHADOWING GUILT-
• -later-
• Lestrade: Come solve murders.
• Sherlock: Okay.
• -later-
• Sherlock: I’m a genius, ultra-violet light all up in here. Today is awesome.
• John: Sherlock, ffs, children have been kidnapped, please tone down the happiness.
• -later-
• Sherlock: Molly, you’re coming to help me and John. You won’t ever have a love life so me crashing your date won’t matter.
• Molly: Okay.
• -later-
• Sherlock: My homeless network > the English police force. Hurry up I just solved shit, let’s go save children.
• -later-
• Sherlock: Hello.
• Girl: GSNRUOHOIEASNGISRGIPOASNNHORHGNTRUSRGOURENGUOEANGAGMNRS
• -later-
• Moriarty: IMMA TELL Y’ALL THE TALE OF SIR BOASTALOT.
• Sherlock: The fuck is this, I don’t give a shit about children’s stories.
• Moriarty: blah blah blah FINAL PROBLEM.
• Sherlock: This will never be useful to me. But seriously, cab driver, what the shit was that-
• Moriarty: LOL NO CHARGE
• Sherlock: FUCK.
• -later-
• Sherlock: GUISE…GUISE…THERE ARE CAMERA’S EVERYWHERE.
• John: What.
• Lestrade: Sherlock, I have reason to believe that you are Sir Boastalot.
• Sherlock: Moriarty is fucking with your head. This is a game. I DON’T LIKE GAMES. NEED I REMIND ALL OF YOU WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME WE PLAYED CLUEDO.
• -later-
• Lestrade: Sherlock, you’re under arrest.
• John: I’M GOING TO PUNCH THIS RANDOM FUCKER IN THE FACE.
• Sherlock: Coolies, now we’re both arrested.
• -later-
• Sherlock: I GOT A GUN. JOHN’S OFFICIALLY MY BITCH NOW.
• John: I’m okay with this.
• Sherlock: Kay, I got a great idea, we’re going to jump in front of a bus.
• John: What.
• -later-
• Moriarty: So, I’m an actor now and Sherlock hired me.
• Sherlock and John: What.
• -later-
• Sherlock: Molly, I need your help again.
• Molly: Okay.
• -later-
• Mycroft: Yeah, so I’m the sole reason Sherlock is now in ridiculous amounts of danger, and will be the reason for his death.
• John: You’re such a dick, Mycroft.
• -later-
• John: MRS HUDSON GOT SHOT, HOLY SHITBALLS.
• Sherlock: Okay, you can go, I don't really care so I’m going to stay here.
• -later-
• Moriarty: OHMYGOD YOU’RE NORMAL. GO COMMIT SUICIDE TO SAVE YOUR FRIENDS.
• Sherlock: I am a fucking angel. Here, listen to all my smart talk.
• Moriarty: OH YAAAAY YOU’RE ME! LOL but I’m out *KILLS SELF*
• Sherlock: Fuck. This ruins everything.
• -later-
• John: MRS HUDSON, YOU’RE NOT DEAD.
• Mrs Hudson: No, just busy making tea for our next-door neighbour the assassin.
• -later-
• Sherlock: John….laterz. *jumps*
• *THE SCENE THAT KILLED THE ENTIRE FANDOM*
• -later-
• John: *speaking to Sherlock’s grave*
• *THE OTHER SCENE THAT KILLED THE ENTIRE FANDOM*
• Sherlock: LOL JKS IM STILL ALIVE, but you'll have to wait another year to find out what the fuck just happened.
• THE END.